Dear Frank, Please ______.

semester diet

2011-09-13T11:44:00.000-07:00

Dear Frank, please don't be too sad that your favorite admirers are out of the country for a semester.

Thats right, Kat and Julia (and even the elusive Pearce) are abroad for the Fall 2011 semester and so frankly (get it! haha) can't blog about all things Frank whilst so far from Frank

we promise that when we return we will we fo sho post pictures of our amazing food adventures (Kat is in London and Julia is in Palestine) to inspire you, our dearest Frank, but for the mean time, feel free to follow us at our respective (mostly non-food related) blogs

Kat's is
http://katkollz.blogspot.com/

and Julia's is
http://mishmishmishna.blogspot.com/

and Frank, please note that the opinions expressed in these blogs are solely those of their authors and have no affiliation with Colgate and whatnot blahblahblah
(just in case the maroon news doesn't cut us from their blog list)

To my dear Orgo Text book

2011-05-06T14:42:00.000-07:00

Dear Frank, Please pass this message on to my Orgo Textbook, I can't stand to see a book cry.
I know that you two have a distant friendship and I hope my text book will not shoot you, the messenger.
Thanks so much,
See you year,
Julez

ps- please return the attached picture to it, i dont want to ever look at it again

To my dearest orgo textbook,
While these past nine months have been full of long, emotional, sometimes even sleepless, nights and long, oh so very long, days together, I am really sorry to tell you this, but we can't be together any more. I promise, it's not you, its me.

While falling asleep with you many nights, only to wake up and sorely regret poking myself in the eye on your sharp corner, has been only one small moment that contributed to our memorable time together, I really just don't see this working out. We don't think the same way and lately I have felt like every time we try to understand each other there is a communication failure, and you always get so upset when I don't remember every single detail of every single chapter. I can't handle the stress any more, its tearing me apart. I just want to see you happy, and I'm sure there is some chem nerd out there who you can have a much more meaningful relationship with. Please understand and I hope you have a good summer raging in the bookstore, say hello to the jug for me.
XoXo
Julez
ps- i lied-- its not me it is soooo you

new green efforts?

2011-04-28T23:25:00.000-07:00

Dear Frank, please try this strategy in los banos

Ok so i am one hundred percent stealing this from lol cats, but it was too applicable to Colgate to pass up

you all know how like every toilet paper dispenser on campus has one of these stickers??

(well if you didnt now you do)

i really dont think theyre very effective
much better would be this strategy

(ill even post the link to avoid plagiarism shenanigans http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2011/04/funny-pictures-new-green-toilet-paper-dispensers-ensure-less-waste.jpg)

thats all for now

ktnxbai

nap time!!

2011-04-21T15:16:00.000-07:00

Dear Frank, please remove the tables from one of the dining sections and replace them with beds!

No but seriously
I need naps and sometimes it is just too far to go allll the way back to my room or down to the library to nap

While I could find myself a freshman nap buddy at the jug whose key i steal and always sneak into his room to take naps while hes in class,
I feel like that could lead to some awkward situations

SO what I propose is beds

they dont even need full sheets or anything, just as long as they're febreezed once a semester (thats about the going cleaning rate of the library chair i always sleep in)

and a cone of silence

so that my naps are not disturbed by the raucous noises of well slept students eating with their mouths open

i would even be willing to use up one of my unlimited meals to pay for a bed space

it could be reservation based
and i, of course, would have a permanent reservation
with a pony to carry me from the door to my bed

(look at the headline to the website that i got this pic from... http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/4973837/Pony-with-short-legs-costs-taxpayer-8000-in-rescues.html)

ok so mabye the pony is a little too much...
but really

Please seriously consider this

I think it would really add to Colgate's personality

and might attract another diverse group of students to campus...
the coveted by admissions office quota... narcoleptic students

oh wait! isnt that every colgate student?

(insert embarrassing-picture-of-me-passed-out-in-the-library-that-im-sure-someone-has-waiting-to-blackmail-me-with here)

ps
this one would match the food

bellydancing diet

2011-03-30T13:33:00.000-07:00

*disclaimer: none of the health tips provided in this article have any basis in actual medical truth*

Dear Frank, please stop serving food, I have to go on my belly dancing diet.

No seriously,
Dancefest is in 2 weeks and i have to be skinny as a stick in time to look good shirtless on stage for bellydancing.

the problem is that i currently look like this:

and i really need to look like this:

ok so those both might be exaggerations, but still
no more eating in excess for me.

Let me explain my diet plan and all the scientific research there is out there to back me up.

For the next 2 weeks all i will consume is
Almonds

Fish oil vitamins,

and Bananas

(as well as water and skim milk

which i will personally strain before consumption at every meal)

The almonds are crucial to my diet for several reasons

1. they have all sorts of nutrients in them
2. they are tasty
3. they can help regulate blood pressure
4. the fat molecules in your body are super attracted to the skinny shrunken look of the almonds so they race away from ones belly and surround the almond there by leaving you nice and skinny
5. they keep you from eating other foods because youre too busy picking them out of your teeth to have time to eat anything else

(nom nom nom)

Fish oil is also a necessary part of the diet of anyone who is trying to lose 100 lbs in 2 weeks

1. Fish oil lowers cholesterol
2. taking Fish oil makes you sound like a health foods freak which leads to people thinking you need almonds and then giving you FREE almonds(see above)
3. Fish oil can help induce a sense of belonging amongst the health food freak community (see above) and face it, when youre at the point of resorting to almonds and fish oil for your diet having anyone talk to you is a start
4. Once inside of you, the fish that the fish oil are extracted from are reincarnated and travel through your blood stream (its like a river!) to your muscles. After arrival in your muscles, they become trapped amongst the sinews and struggle to break free.
This causes your muscles to be moving, tearing, and rebuilding while all you have to do is sit back and fall asleep in biology lecture.

(See James Franco knows whats up)
(also, google "person sleeping in class", theres a wiki how article lolz)

In no time you have 6 pack abs and sexy (but still feminine) toned arms

(ok i know those arent feminine arms, but they sure are nice to look at)

5. (Refer to point above about fish reincarnation): The fish inside of you are very musical and so when the belly dancing music starts, they tap along to the rhythm, making your belly dancing skills even better than before.

For information on why Bananas are important, see my previous post "BANANA CRISISS" from Monday February 7, 2011

With this diet, I am sure to be fit and rocking for Dance Fest, so be sure to be there!

The Magic of Tater Tots

2011-03-26T14:03:00.000-07:00

Dear Frank, Please Please Please serve more Tater Tots.

So I don't know about you, but nothing ruffles my flow more than the absence of Tater Tots on a weekend morn. (And no, not "Tater Tots" in the Theta Chi sense).

Served as a side to your fried egg on a bagel, or egg white omelet, Tater Tots completely fit the bill. There's something magical about those fried potatoes.

But alas, for the past few months, Frank has only been serving Tater Tots on weekday mornings. As a sophomore who can't access the dining hall until after 11 pm, getting to Frank when there's still Tater Tots is like getting into the Jug after a Kappa mixer. I've thus been patiently waiting for Frank to dole out some of my favorite breakfast accompaniment on the weekend, but to no avail.

It's no wonder I was so pleasantly surprised this morning when I found Frank not only had Tater Tots, but frequently replenished them with fresh-out-of-the-oven batches of my favorite frozen potato. What a fantastic way to start my Saturday! If only Frank could be so magical and kind in future weekends.

as seen in a 711 in Singapore

2011-03-19T22:30:00.000-07:00

Dear Frank, please note...

nuff said.

Stranded in Shanghai

2011-03-12T19:12:00.000-08:00

Dear Frank, please note that while being stranded in Shanghai due to smog is nooo fun, you get to sit around and drink lots of hotel room tea, which is kind of nice.

SO heres the view from the emergency exit of the 14th floor

I guess that is a reason to not let us fly to Singapore

although, I always wanted to see if it was possible for a plane to ACTUALLY crash George of the Jungle style

The Tea leaves start out in little bowls all shriveled up

So when you put the hot water on the tea leaves

They expandddd.

We tried to read the tea leaves

We’re hoping that predicts that we will make it to Singapore within 24 hours of when we were supposed to.

Also take note,

The hotel breakfast was delish…

First of all

The dining hall has such a welcoming sign (much better than the Frank Pig look)

And our first in China Chinese meal!

Nomnomnom

We also got us some free slippers!

And Chinese toothpaste!

So the fog has started to clear out and now we can actually see some of Shanghai

Same 14^th floor view as before

There’s also a park outside our hotel

With people doing morning exercises :)

(sorry for the creeper shot)

So Frank,

Please get us some legit Chinese food and tea with expandable tea leaves!

sun glasses

2011-03-07T11:23:00.000-08:00

Dear Frank, please provide sunglasses and snow shoes at the entrance of the building.

Today is the FIRST SNOW DAY SINCE 1993

(1993 was also the year of the rooster)

Unfortunately, this means there is lots of snow and Colgate students are ill prepared for the snow because it pretty much never snows here

(see... no snow)

BUT
my point is that obviously
there is even more snow today than usual

(up to my knees)
(between 22-25 inches to be precise)
and nothing is plowed

sooo
what frank NEEDS to do
is provide snowshoes and sunglasses to everyone thats leaving
the snowshoes because its nearly impossible to walk

and because it would just be really funny to see everyone in snow shows

and the sunglasses

because IT IS SOO HARD TO SEE OUTSIDE

the superpowers of the SUN

and the SnOw WhItE snow
have combined to form BLINDNESS

im not kidding
its really hard to see

like imagine looking at Lady Gagas hair (see above)
and then looking at a strobe light

and youll understand what i mean

(or, if theres snow near you, you could just go outside and look at the sun and then look at the snow)

so its hard to see out and thats why Frank needs to handout sunglasses so we dont all get buried in the snow

It's All Greek to Me

2011-02-27T10:59:00.000-08:00

Dear Frank, please continue to have feta cheese in the omelet bar!

So, I'm a pretty Greeky girl. Even though I'm a vegetarian, I still have a rollickin' good time with food from my homeland. For example

There's something magical about this salty, crumbly cheese. No wonder I was all like

when I saw Frank had feta on the omelet line! Even though the cold spell in

ended our short-term tomato fix, the newly added feta (and spinach!) made up for it all.

Gracias, Frank!

more DaNcE pArTiEs

2011-02-25T17:10:00.000-08:00

Dear Frank, please host another dance party please!
They are in popular demand, and several of the spontaneous variety were already spotted

http://koti.phnet.fi/santamik/sexophone.swf

dance party

2011-02-23T20:42:00.000-08:00

Dear Frank, Spontaneous Dance party please?

Sundae Sunday

2011-02-20T12:02:00.000-08:00

Dear Frank, please make sure there is chocolate ice cream for Sundae Sundays

there is never any chocolate ice cream (i mean real ice cream, not weird soft serve)
and especially on such a momentous day as Sundae Sunday, chocolate ice cream really is in order

i mean, seriously, its not that hard to get chocolate ice cream,
just get a chocolate milk cow

(and if you want strawberry ice cream, make sure to get a strawberry milk cow... )

Pancakes and Pasta and Parmesan... OH MY!

2011-02-16T19:30:00.000-08:00

Dear Frank, please continue to serve awesome and weird food combinations.

I feel like I'm living in Ancient Greece. No, Frank isn't serving baklava (although there was some at the Jonathan Shay lecture in Love Auditorium!). I've just been so swamped with my Legacies essay on the Iliad that all I think of is

Oh, sorry, wrong dude. I meant

Anyway, being stuck in the world of epic poems really makes you crave an EPIC MEAL. And, believe you me, Frank tonight sure was epic.

There was brushetta flatbread pizza, broccoli cooked in soy sauce, and whole wheat pasta with some

(CHEESE).

Also had a pancake with ice cream for dessert. Apparently, greenish ice cream isn't automatically pistachio; I got schooled.

Anyway, as they say in Mean Girls, "You go Glen Coco!"
"YOU GO GLEN FRANK-O" (Oh. No? Well, whatever. I tried.)

I'll still be savoring my meal until I put the very last comma in my *highly relatable* essay.

SuperHuman

2011-02-15T19:43:00.000-08:00

Dear Frank, please stop producing food for the student body and give all the meal plan money to me so that I can find a way to infuse human cells with chloroplasts.

Thats right
I said it

CHLOROPLASTS

(in case you failed high school bio, heres a refresher on what a chloroplast is:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chloroplast)

Think about how much time

and money

we could save if we all had chloroplasts!!!

All we would have to do is spend some time in the sun

(which, unless youre Michael Jackson isnt too hard)
and then we would be able to produce our own energy without having to worry about food again!
(as much)
(sort of)
(ignore the fact that plants need nutrients from the ground)
(unless Frank would also like to fund me to engineer roots for humans as well)

Heres how it would work:
1) Start out pale and malnourished

2) Insert Chloroplasts into cells

= SUPERHUMAN

(thank you Chris Brown for that quality input)

3) no more vampire people (sorry twilight dude)

(hehe)

Think about all the good that this science project would do for the world
it would solve so many problems and save so many lives (minus those lost during experimentation)

So I really hope that Colgate students can suck it up for a few years so I have money for my research
And thank you for my Nobel prize in advance.

Cookie Crazed

2011-02-11T11:14:00.000-08:00

No, I'm not Julia McMillan. However, on occasion I do enjoy a warm, succulent, chewy cookie. This afternoon, I was feeling cookie crazed; I wanted a gigantic chocolate-chip cookie. I had a hunch the COOP would be stocked, and how right I was!

After making myself feel a speck healthier by ordering a salad, I took a gander at the cookie selection by the COOP's register. NOT ONLY was there chocolate cookies with white chocolate chips, but the magical chefs had also whipped up a batch of snicker doodle, oatmeal and *drumroll please* CHOCOALTE CHIP COOKIES.

Ahhhhhh! Hallelujah!

I leisurely enjoyed my fantastic, still-warm choco-chip cookie over the latest issue of the Monthly Rag. What a way to spend a Friday.

Moroccan Mint

2011-02-10T17:04:00.000-08:00

Dear Frank, please keep putting out Moroccan Mint Tea
So theres been a lot of stuff going on recently in the Middle East, in Tunisia, Egypt, Lebanon, Jordan, and Yemen.

I now most Americans have never been to the Middle East and have no idea what its like there, but as someone who has been there 3 times, let me just say that its beautiful and the people there are amazingly nice.
When ever you go to someones house you are right away offered "shy bi nana"

(sorry about the transliteration attempts) or Mint Tea
and then if you know whats delicious (and polite), youll take some :)

Luckily, Frank actually puts out tea bags for "Moroccan Mint"

which tastes and smells like the shy bi nana you can get in anyones home or any cafe.

So if you're in Frank, and you start to wonder what the Middle East smells like or want to pretend you're over there right now, make yourself some Moroccan mint

BANANA CRISISS

2011-02-07T19:58:00.000-08:00

DEAR FRANK, PLEASE RESOLVE THE BANANA CRISIS!!

Donde estan los BANANAs!!

I hate having to complain about the lack of certain foods, but there is clearly a conspiracy against me!
first the missing

then the missing

but this is TOO MUCH

I mean I finally want to eat a healthy food (not that cookies and ranch arent healthy of course)
and THERE ARE NO BANANAS!!
not in Frank, not in the Library

I mean how am I supposed to be successful with my Fish Oil, Almond, and Banana diet (more on that another day) if there are NO BANANAS!!

Bananas are not just an issue at Colgate, however, they are a world issue!!
the history of the banana business is super interesting if you like to feel guilty every time you enjoy such deliciousness.
for more info on banana warfare check out http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Banana_Wars
(and you thought I was making that up)

Not only are Bananas nutritious and delicious,
they come in very handy in a tight spot

for example...

if you forget your phone in your room and need to talk to someone across the table,

try a BANANA PHONE
(I'm not gonna lie, I had no idea those existed until I googled banana phone)

I actually prefer the old school banana phone

(no comment on whether or not thats actually a picture of me)

Bananas can also be extremely useful in other cases

like if you find yourself in a flash fight with a ninja and you forgot your throwing stars

(yes, if i were a ninja i would have batman throwing stars, dont judge)

you can just use a BANANA
(for some reason i couldnt find any pictures of bananas being used as throwing stars, idk why)

and the MOST IMPORTANT use of a banana is if you realize youve forgotten your EARS (or they've fallen off in the cold)

So you see, Bananas are essential to everyday life and I am seriously craving a banana right now
I hope you are too

Keep The Soap Bottle At Least 20 Yards From Any and All Sweet Potatoes

2011-02-05T16:35:00.000-08:00

Today at Frank, myself and a friend both noticed in separate batches of sweet potato fries that some of them tasted like soap.
Really?...
There are all sorts of weird ways that a food item might end up tasting off.

1. Mess up the spices: if you've ever tried any of Frank's oriental food you know what I'm talking about.

2. Cook too long: I didn't know you could burn soup, but I also didn't know it was legal to slip laxatives in the salad dressing. At least I can usually tell if something has been incinerated without having to put it in my mouth first.

3. No liquids: Frank consistently manages to run out of every beverage I'm interested in drinking. Sorry but not everyone feels like hammering back a couple of glasses of Coke for every square meal after they've seen what it can do to a dirty penny. Ketchup is also pretty acidic, but I need it for my fries!!!!

4. Accidentally put soap in my food: Wait... that's not right. Aside from the three year old who wants to play drink the stuff under the sink and the guy who invented methamphetamines, who would ever make the mistake of putting a cleaning fluid in something other humans are supposed to ingest. I'm sorry Frank, but this is unforgivable.
Believe me, I know.
Caution: This Will Offend You

A soup by any other name.

2011-02-03T15:13:00.000-08:00

I'm not really a lunch person. It's that one meal of the day which has no defined time for consumption and tends to be consumed too much on-the-go for my liking. However, after work today, at around 2 p.m., I got them tummy grumbles. Since my stomach was crying and screaming, I knew I couldn't ignore the matter for much longer.

Since my place of work is conveniently located just steps from the COOP, I trekked over there to see if anything promising was being served. I was more than pleasantly surprised to see MY FAVORITE PIZZA OF ALL TIME, a mozzarella, black olives and spinach number which had JUST GOTTEN OUT OF THE OVEN. Perfectly crispy and the cheese was still smoking. My oh my! Heaven in a slice! However, since I was going to have pizza later, for dinner, I decided to skip the 'za for lunch. And besides, I'd been feeling like having a soup and sandwich combo anyhow.

I walked over to the soup section and was delighted to see the soup du jour was vegetarian. However, it had a name I couldn't recognize; it looked as though someone at the COOP created a high-class French name and stuck it on this item. I asked the woman working what was in the soup. She laughed and told me she'd get the chef. I felt a little confused, and even more so when she returned with a thick book, which turned out to contain the recipes of the day and a calorie count for each dish. I perused the ingredient list for the soup, and it turned out to be sorta cream of tomato number. I thanked the kind helper and asked for a cup. I also snagged a pre-packaged sandwich, Dijon eggs on rye with lettuce and tomato, for fun. While carrying food from the COOP back to my room is dangerous due to the icy menace that is our campus, I decided to brave the hike and eat in my room. Everything made it there in one piece and was fairly delicious. I just wish I could pronounce (and remember) that soup's name...

Yumm!

2011-02-02T16:49:00.000-08:00

I just returned from dinner, and I willingingly must admit this:

DEAR FRANK, PLEASE IGNORE MY LAST POST.

Dinner tonight was amazing. That's right, I'll even underline it for you: amazing. Why?

Exhibit A. Macaroni and cheese, with pasta shells for the macaroni and dusted with breadcrumbs. Perfectly rotund and savory. YES!
Exhibit B. Spinach strudel with filo dough and cheese. Soft and flaky. OH YEAH.
Exhibit C. Curly fries. Enough said.

Frank, you rocked my world tonight.

No Ranch?

2011-02-02T13:55:00.000-08:00

Dear Frank, please tell the COOP that they should never run out of ranch dressing,

After 3 hours in class today and then another 3 in the lab, all I want to do is go to the coop and get a delicious

with

but alas, the COOP IS OUT OF RANCH
(although they did have cookies :D )

I just dont understand why they have to run out of the good flavors
Since ranch is obvi the best, and disappears the fastest, they should just always have more and make more tiny ranch containers.
Its basic economics
(I think,
Lets ask Alan Greenspan....

He says YES!!!)

I would also like to point out that I never ate ranch with my grilled cheese before I came to Colgate.
Since my addiction began here, I think it is only fitting that the COOP do whatever possible to enable me

Dear Frank,
Please ship my precious

from Frank to the COOP ASAP
I dont care what the storm outside is like

Rice and other disasters.

2011-02-01T15:44:00.000-08:00

My last meal at Frank was Saturday night. Like a prodigal daughter, I expected to be welcomed back into Frank's open arms. We would feast on all good veggie food and make merry and forget my absence. Well, Frank wasn't so keen on my return.

Upon entering the dining area, I made my usual perusal of the Frrrried Foods section. Roast beef sandwiches = a no. The Meaty area to its right was equally carnivorous, serving some odd chicken thing and beets. O-kay then. My last hope was the Veggie Head section and... NILCH. No tofu, no beans, no cheese. Just some brown rice dish (which would be fine for all you rice lovers out there but oddly enough I don't like rice) and beets (again). I knew from that moment on it would be a Sandwich evening.

While I ended up with my usually satisfying fallback wrap (tofu, Swiss cheese, hummus, spinach and tomato on the grill), I was disappointed in my long-lost amigo. Frank, please stop resigning me to the Sandwich line! I want an actual meal!!!!!!

COOKIE CRISIS

2011-01-31T19:03:00.000-08:00

DEAR FRANK, PLEASE GET MORE COOKIES, AND SOON!!!

I AM JUST WRITING TO REPORT THAT THERE IS A COOKIE CRISIS ON CAMPUS!!
like seriously, there haven't been cookies at Frank in days (and I mean real cookies, not weird squares that are dry and crumbly)
and now...
THERE ARE NO COOKIES AT THE LIBRARY!!
how am I supposed to be expected to study for an orgo test with no cookies to sustain me??!!! Every good organic chemist knows that cookies are the building blocks of life
just look

that is a benzene ring... very important to life

compared to

a delicious chocolate chip cookie

see the similarity??

if you don't, well, I really just feel sorry for you :(

Dear Frank, please tell me,

Where in the

are the

???

Welcome!

2011-01-31T17:01:00.000-08:00

This is our first-ever post of "Dear Frank, Please ____." Wooo-hoooo!

We here at "Dear Frank" aim to spotlight the travesties, successes and attempts of Frank Dining Hall with wit, humor and snark. We will attempt to be fair and balanced, and report all the news from Frank all the time. Our commentators include:

Pearce Decker
Alpha-male, weight-lifter and all-around carnivore. Pearce will provide our Beef Lovah perspective.

Kat Kollitides
A vegetarian for five years and counting, Kat will offer up some Veggiehead views.

Julia McMillan
Our resident cookie expert, Julia's forte lies in all things sweet and adorable. She'll be the resident Cookie Monster.

HAPPY FRANKING!